The Misfit Collective
by IveyRose
Summary: A growing compilation of fluff inspired by the online game Marvel Avengers Alliance with a dash of comic and movie-verse. Is there a more serious plot? Maybe when Hell freezes over and Tony stops provoking his fellow Avengers.
1. Chapter 1: Personal Evaluation

Being a SHIELD agent isn't the most glamorous job. Glorious? Can't say it's that, either. If you ever talk to a SHIELD agent and they tell you this is exactly where they wanted to end up in life or that they are happy in their work, they probably fall under one or more of the following categories. They could be new to the job; look at the eyes. Should you see a youthful sparkle, don't bother trying to correct them. Wait until they say that to the face of a veteran agent, and keep your phone handy for blackmail and memorabilia. If there is an apathetic glaze dulling the iris, feel free to check the other options for a diagnosis.

They could have just failed a psych eval and don't know it yet. Generally agents should suspect something is wrong when they are sent on sudden vacation leave any time after such an evaluation. When you open your luggage at whatever exclusive location SHIELD saw fit to ship you, you will find a pristine manila envelope in which contains your failed results. They do this, they say, so that the agent will have alone time to recover from the shock, but I know from experience that they just don't want to let an agent go when they have, say, untapped mutant abilities. It gets messy and building repairs come out of _our_ paychecks.

As for the final contestants, they might be seasoned agents and are probably due for another psych eval, or they could just be psycho, which may or may not correlate to the last category, which is that they might work for Hydra.

Then again, you either love the work or hate it. If it isn't clear by now, I hate it. Don't ask me how I got here, because I would have to write you a tale as long as the Odyssey and the Iliad. And the worst part is, taking a job like this, or at least training for it, is like sticking your finger in a Chinese handcuff, and on the other end is a collective personification of your life, the world, and every world government organization pulling away from you. You can't get out. You are stuck, being drug through the mud and extraterrestrial debris of the past, present and future. That is, you and thousands of other agents, who are only referred to as "Agent" by everyone else in the organization. Nameless persons who have to cover our own asses while shielding the "Heroes" as they do their work, saving the world. And hey, if we agents die in the line of duty doing something so profound as to make people ask 'what was their name again?' we may get our name on a little star and bolted to a cold stone wall where people can pass by us every day without giving two shits, just like we got to endure when we could actually notice it happening.

But recently I was offered a promotion that I could not refuse— not because of higher wages or better benefits, but because I am now not just some SHIELD grunt, I am a Commander. I get to babysit heroes. Not just clean up their messes and caver their backs, but I get to send them out on missions. I decide where they go and what they do. Why is this so great, you may ask? It is true that getting heroes— some more than others— to work together in a civilized, collaborative effort is a pain in the ass, but now I am in a position to pull back on that Chinese handcuff. And while I am but one woman, and I know they will resist, you can bet your bottom dollar that I will make every viable attempt to make those heroes my bitches and I will love every minute of it.

— Agent Fern Tidwell


	2. Chapter 2: A Brief Debriefing

p class="MsoNormal"  
style="text-align:center" align="center"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: 


	3. Chapter 3: Order in the House

p class="MsoNormal"  
style="text-indent:.5in""First thing I need to do as the new Commander is set a few rules, okay?span style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanFirst rule is very style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanMy name is not Agent." Tidwell swung her head to look at Stark, who held up his hands in style="mso-spacerun:yes" /span"That is merely a title by which I am referred to more often than I would style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanIf you use the term Agent when speaking to or of me, I expect it to be paired with my name, be it first, middle, or style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanI am a firm believer that respect is shown in style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanI will call you by your preferred name and you will call me by mine./p 


	4. Chapter 4: Trial of Patience

4: Trial of Patience

There are some enemies that I don't mind facing, and others that I wish we would just permanently dispose of. I have been more than tempted to "accidentally" take a more careful headshot, or be a little more forceful than necessary. But alas, I am trying to set a good example for my band of heroes. The worst fights, however, have not taken place on the streets, but within our own ranks. It amazes me that the people I work with haven't killed themselves by now. Just a week as a Commander and I am wondering how long I myself will last, physically and mentally! I have taken part in hand-to-hand combat with demons and giants and villainous Bigwigs, but there is nothing harder than trying to convince [name] not to beat the tar out of [name] over wounded egos. It is harder still when heroes on the sidelines take bets on who will win.

Stark is the worst of all; if he isn't involved in verbal warfare with a fellow Avenger he is egging other's on. The man just cannot help but to interject himself into the center of any argument or simple conversation. I have had to break up a drinking contest between Hercules and Thor while on base. It's fine if they want to do that on their free time, but for pity's sake. Surely gods and demigods have some idea of what professional behavior includes? I have had to stop very heated and opinionated battles between other agents and the X-Men or vis versa. Is it that hard to keep your political and personal ideas out of the workplace?

Aside from intentionally antagonizing each other, there are those who cause chaos for their own amusement. Practical joking and "harmless" pranks are an Olympic sport among some of the agents and heroes. As you can imagine, things turn out not as harmless as the instigator may or may not have intended. I am starting to run out of all that unpleasant manual labor I promised troublemakers, which I'm sure is their intention. They are testing my limits.

But did not last this long in SHIELD for nothing. Worst comes to worst I will draw on my inner Nun.

As much as I hate it, I may have to ask Coulson for some pointers. He's good at dealing with difficult people.

— Agent Fern Tidwell


	5. Chapter 5: Prima Donnas

p class="MsoNormal"5: Prima Donnas/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in"There was a ruckus coming from down the style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanShe tried to ignore it but the sound of something large crashing through glass signaled that she clearly needed elsewhere. Tidwell looked up from her notebook and style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanShe clicked the pen shut before tossing it in the recycled tin can on her desk and tossed the book in her safe drawer./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in"No sooner had she opened the door to her office when something heavy whizzed in front of her nose and crashed through the doors at the end of the style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanShe glanced at the gapping hole the object left and then at the style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanThor stood frozen, arm still outstretched from throwing Mjolnir, a look of momentary petrification on his perfectly sculpted face./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in""I know the drill field is still soggy, but isn't there a better place to be hurdling that thing?/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in""Yeah, 'cause you just caused a major potential security breach," Tony said somewhere behind style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanBehind the style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanEverything came into place./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in""Where you egging him on?" Tidwell asked Tony with narrowed style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanTony couldn't even keep from chuckling to himself as he opened the damaged doors to enter the hallway again./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in""Me?span style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanTry to get under the God of Thunder's skin?span style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanWhatever would make you think that?" Tony mocked./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in""I hope you plan to fix that," Tidwell pointed at the door./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in""What?! He's the one who threw the hammer!"/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in""Perhaps it will teach you not to speak unkindly of my brother," Thor growled./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in"Tony rolled his style="mso-spacerun:yes" /span"em style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"Please/em, you know it's true."/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in""Loki has committed innumerable crimes, and he is many things, but he is not—"/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in""Children, children," Tidwell interrupted, raising her hands between style="mso-spacerun:yes" /span"It is important to remember that no matter what quality of person we speak of, and no matter the relationship they have to the people around us, it is always prudent to speak of them with reservation and unbiased style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanEspecially when dealing with gods, Mr. style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanYou may be a genius, but with your suit down for repairs I can't help but imagine that it would end up badly for you if you crossed Thor the wrong way when no one was around to haul your broken body to the medical wing."/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in""And Thor," she turned, trying to even out the blame, "Your brother is devilishly good looking and equally cunning, but you have to consider that very few of us know Loki outside of his criminal career and haven't experienced whatever other redeeming qualities you may know him to style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanYou may also wish to consider that when Mr. Stark speaks poorly of your brother that Loki did demolish his home and put Stark's loved ones in mortal danger on more than one style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanI am giving you the option— and encouraging you to take it— of helping Stark fix whatever you may have damaged trying to avenge the wrongs you felt took place."/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in"Thor and Tony glowered at each other for a beat before begrudgingly accepting their commander's style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanThat's when the floor vibrated and colorful words and shouts rose from the floor below style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanTidwell didn't even sigh, or slouch her style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanShe drifted away from one argument to the next, accepting that for every conflict she resolved another would take its style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanShe briefly reflected on the irony of the recent Hydra outbreak and the current state of affairs within SHIELD, and found herself thinking that if she didn't know how many times SHIELD had handed Hydra its own ass on a silver platter she'd consider changing style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanWord on the street is benefits for Hydra employees top what long-time SHIELD agents are offered./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in"Tidwell made it over the crude "fort" made of desks and chairs and broke into the barricaded conference style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanIt was clear from the paused movie on the screen— em style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"Les Miserables/em— that a miniature revolution had begun among X-men that were camping out at SHIELD headquarters for some other mission./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in"Ah, more style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanSeveral levels of it, in style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanWolverine had been taken "captive" by Gambit and Rogue (though mostly Gambit) and was giving colorful and dark threats that if he weren't untied immediately shit would go down, and Tidwell did not doubt that it style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanBut between exploding cards and Adamantium claws, Tidwell had to really think hard before stepping between this fight./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in""I don't belong here," Tidwell sighed woefully to herself, again reflecting on this job she loved to style="mso-spacerun:yes" /span"I should have taken my chances as a starving artist and gone to art school."/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in""We all wish for simpler lives at times," Storm said, also a bystander to the momentary breakdown of authority and professionalism./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in"Logan's patience had run out, and he adeptly freed himself of his makeshift bonds and lunged quite seriously at the thief./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in""Shouldn't we—someone— try to stop them?" Tidwell asked timidly, not wanting to end up dead or hospitalized./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in""They'll simmer down after a while," Bobby assured her./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in"Tidwell threw her arms in the air. "As long as they finish before they bring down the building." /p 


	6. Chapter 6: Blast Off

6: Blast Off

The Recreational facitity was in shambles. A crater-like hole consumed the pool side of the center and the rest sagged on the brink of utter collapse.

"What happened?" Tidwell gaped.

"Steam Explosion," was the only response— the quickest response— Tidwell got.

The agent in charge of evacuation and clean up then pointed to the edge of the practice field where four— three figures stood in slouched shame and one leaned casually against the fence as if nothing was wrong with the scene before them.

Tidwell approached them and crossed her arms. Johnny Storm looked unabashedly proud of himself. The rest of the Fantastic Four looked embarrassed and angry.

"Something funny, Mr. Storm?" she asked, her lips tight and her tone cold.

"Not at all," he shook his head, training futilely to smother the grin on his face.

"You're damn lucky you didn't hurt anybody," Tidwell scolded. "Why can't you save training for training days and the games for days off?"

"It was just a little bit of fun—"

"Until you blew the roof off the rec center!" Tidwell swung her arm back. "I could have sent Hulk in with the intention of tearing the building down and he'd have caused less damage!"

"I think that's a bit of an exaggeration," Johnny stated.

"What isn't going to be an exaggeration is the paperwork I'm going to have to fill out for your thoughtlessness," Tidwell huffed. "If it weren't unethical and if you didn't have these less destructive companions I'd have you put in a cryotube and shipped to Pluto."


	7. Chapter 7: The Lesser of Two Evils

p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in"7: The Lesser of Two Evils/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in"Tidwell walked in to what appeared the middle or end of a heated style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanShe approached the table, intending to jump right into the mission briefing, but Stark was a move ahead of her./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in""Okay, Agent, tell me—would you rather swim with the biggest tarantula in the world or an anaconda?"/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in""Anaconda," Tidwell answered in a style="mso-spacerun:yes" /span"Nothing in all the worlds that ever are or will be will be enough to persuade me to do anything with a spider but kill it."/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in""But an em style="mso-bidi-font-style:  
normal"anaconda/em?"/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in""It isn't like they're perpetually hungry," Tidwell style="mso-spacerun:yes" /span"I mean, tarantula's have fangs this big and venom that decays flesh and eight hairy arms that skitter style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanI hate style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanBut snakes, man, they're kind of style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanI'm fine with snakes."/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in""And here I thought we were friends," Peter sighed and placed a hand over his heart./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in""You owe me 20 bucks," Hawkeye directed to Stark, who rolled his eyes and rummaged in his back pocket for his wallet./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in""I'm probably going to regret continuing this conversation, but what started all of this?"/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in""There was a spider in the pool this morning that we had to fish out for, uh…some of the female agents, and later in the afternoon a snake crawled out of the filter," Peter said./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in""Really?span style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanIn the SHIELD rec center?" Tidwell frowned./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in""Yeah, but the building had been open while repairs were taking place last week," Hawkeye said while reaching for the money Stark tossed on the table in style="mso-spacerun:yes" /span"All day we've been asking people who would rather deal with what and Stark thought you'd be more afraid of a snake than a spider."/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in""And I'm guessing you didn't tell him that you were with me when I evacuated everyone in a training facility so I could toss a grenade in the supply closet where I found that spider nest?"/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in""Nope," Hawkeye replied with a smug grin./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in""I hope that was worth the time a money because snakes and spiders are very close to what our next mission involves," Tidwell style="mso-spacerun:yes" /span"We've tracked down an AIM offshoot operating in a lab under the pretext of a research facility for animal-friendly style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanWe believe that they are attempting to redesign the mutant serum formula based on the number of 'volunteers' they've taken on in the last few style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanWe've been asked to shut them down before they start any style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanWe are going to meet some of the X-men on site for further style="mso-spacerun:yes" /spanOh, and we believe that they are using pirated Stark tech."/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in""Fantastic," Stark said flatly as he stood up. /p 


	8. Chapter 8: The Fall

8: The Fall

"Commander? Commander?"

Agent Tidwell lay stunned and breathless on the cement. She couldn't tell if she was in pain; she couldn't feel anything, but she could tell that her toes and fingers were wiggling when she moved them, which was a relief considering how far she fell. She stared up at the hazy sky and heard Beast's fuzzy voice on her comlink speak again.

"Agent Tidwell, do you copy?"

"Yeah," she groaned. "I just fell off a roof, so I'm going to chill for a minute."

"Where are you?"

She paused. "On the ground."

There was an audible sigh. "Well, don't move. I'll ask Angel to do a sweep and see if he can find you."


End file.
